I recently went to a local big-box hardware store and brought Keelyn, our 3 year old. She usually has a blast exploring and loves riding on the big flat carts. I was at the special order desk and nearby were various decking models. Keelyn was having a little adventure in the maze of fencing while I spoke at the counter. I turned around at one point to see Keelyn speaking to a woman, likely in her sixties, pointing at me and saying her Dad was right there. The clearly concerned woman attempted to move Keelyn towards me (who is not prone to being herded) until I said “thank you, she’s good”.

The look I received was one of pure appalled terror: her eyes went wide, her mouth dropped open and she looked around as if to say “don’t you know there could be a kidnapper behind any corner!” It was the same look I would have received if I had told someone “She is fine, just let her keep feeding that crocodile”. The woman slowly backed away, seemingly questioning whether she should truly leave this cute little girl in the hands of such a reckless father.

Needless to say we escaped the swarms of lurking sex traffickers that day, but this is hardly a singular instance of over protection. This has become the new norm: The world is filled with child molesters, kidnappers and sex traffickers just waiting to snatch up your little one, beware! And you can see the reactions all the time if you watch parents (maybe you’re one of them?) who won’t let children more than a few feet away from them in public, who won’t let them go to the park by themselves, or even outside in their own yard.

The response I typically hear to these thoughts is that ‘things are different today than when we were kids’, whether that was the 70s or the 50s. And you know what? Things are different today. Kids today are much safer and by far less likely to be abducted than at any point since the 1960’s (when rates were about the same).

In the most recent report from the Department of Justice (2011), you can compare for yourself the statistics between 2011 and 1997. The most relevant data is that concerning ‘stereotypical kidnappings’ (kidnappings not done by a family member or close friend). The numbers in 2011?

• 105 children kidnapped in stereotypical kidnapping
• 65/105 of those were by complete strangers (the others were ‘slight’ acquaintances.
• 24/105 were under the age of 6 (42 under the age of 11)
• 36/105 were in an area one would deem ‘public’ (this is of any age)
• 9 were homicides

Every single one of these is tragic and is the worst thing I can imagine happening to my family. But the risk of this is so low that I choose the much greater benefit (for my children and myself) of offering them as much freedom as possible. And the risk is low:

• .000088% chance of any child being abducted by a complete stranger
• .00027% chance of dying by falling out of bed (at any age)
• This means you are three times more likely to die falling out of your bed today as your child is to be abducted.

To see more statistics and learn much more about how safe it is for your children to be out from under your wing, I highly encourage you to visit Lenore Skenazy’s site Free Range Kids. Opposingly, I highly discourage you from giving any credence to the latest Facebook post about the Mom who ‘saved’ her children from the apparent sex trafficker shadowing them around Walmart (spoiler: no child has ever been kidnapped for sex trafficking from Walmart or any other store).

So I will, without worry, continue to let my little ones play outside, walk down the street to their friend’s houses, wander off in the store while shopping and leave them in the car when I need to run into a store for a quick errand. When they are out and about my wife and I teach them that people are good and if they need help to ask a stranger. We give them one simple rule: you can always talk to strangers, but you never go anywhere with one.

Having this freedom allows kids to become independent and interactive in our world. I recently took both daughters to our State Fair, a very large one with many thousands in attendance. Kaia, our 5 year old, wanted to go one more time down a giant slide while Keelyn wanted to go on the carousel next to the slide. I gave her permission to go on the slide, as long as she did one ride and then went to the entrance for the carousel and waited for us. She followed her instructions perfectly and the look of pride and joy on her face is worth so much more than the illusory safety of keeping her next to me at all times.

Later the same day both girls needed to go to the bathroom. While I took Keelyn with me, Kaia went to the girl’s bathroom. The line for the girls room felt like we were at a rock concert and we were waiting for some time for Kai to come out. When she did she had a big smile on her face and let me know that she couldn’t reach the soap in the bathroom but asked a stranger for help.

There are many dangers in this world, but putting your children in a virtual bubble to keep them ‘safe’ does not do them any service on their journey to become a happy adult. I like to think of the quote from Finding Nemo when father Marlin says it is his job not to let anything happen to Nemo and Dory says “Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him.”