Recently, my good friend Paul Dross passed away. It is hard to believe I have known Paul for over 25 years, meeting him through water ski show skiing as the idol and central figure (then and still now) of the world of Show Skiing. But it wasn’t until the last 7 years or so when we both had a pair of daughters of similar age that I truly got to know my friend. In the two weeks since his passing many wonderful (and true) words have been spoken about Paul as a show skier, friend, community activist and incessantly rolling ball of energy. But I believe the words and memories which would be most important to him and that he would want people to remember are those surrounding his family: fiancé Staci and his ridiculously cute daughters Emma and Addie.

While I started my parenting journey later than most, Dross laughed at that thought and welcomed Emma into the world at the tender age of 52. If you imagine that he struggled with energy or keeping up with two young girls, then you have not been around Paul for the 15 seconds it would have taken him to introduce himself, make you a drink and learn half your life’s story. His cup of energy was so overflowingly large, it is more accurately named a flagon of vibrancy which Erik the Viking could not have kept up with. When you added something he was passionate about to his natural excitement for life, he became an unstoppable force which even the immovable rock could not pause. And there was nothing he was more wonderfully passionate about than his girls.

When someone dies before their time, especially someone we look up to, there is always retrospection about ourselves and talk of perspective. The hashtag #belikepaul was started in exactly that celebratory manner and I hope that the many (many) people who knew Paul keep this thought and truly attempt to emulate his outlook on life and parenting. Dross would modestly disagree with me, but his attitude and execution of being a parent are straight out of a self-help book of tired sayings most of us agree with but don’t actually make happen. My summary of Paul being: Be thankful for the joy your children bring to your life and love the heck out of them every minute you can.

I have never known another parent who so enjoyed being with his kids simply because they were there. Who understood so completely that ‘it goes fast’, to cherish each moment he had with his little ones and to take pleasure out of making their lives happy. He exemplified this one night when dropping Emma and Addie off for a sleepover: one of them had forgotten a blanket (or maybe a stuffy, or a t-shirt or something unnecessary). Whereas I would have shrugged my shoulders and let them tough it out, he hopped up with a smile and a “I’ll be right back!” When he returned I pointed out to the girls how thankful they should be that their Dad really spoils them. Instead of waiting for a deserved Thank You, Paul’s response was a quick “Oooh No, they spoil ME!“

Coming from almost anyone else this would be just corny and ridiculous (and it’s still a tad corny, but that’s Dross) and a simplistic attempt to make your kids feel good about themselves. But the thing is (and pay attention because this is what it really means to Be Like Paul) he completely, 100%, genuinely and happily meant that statement. That their very existence in his life was so fulfilling that he would put forth any effort to repay them simply for being present for him to watch and to be a part of their lives. He had his thumb completely on what it really means to be a parent: simply enjoy them.

To be clear, I (nor Paul) am saying to let them do whatever the hell they want. You don’t need to be their best friend, let them raid the cookie jar (those are for Dross anyway) or run rampant through the streets just because it makes them happy. ‘Spoiling’ or ‘doting’ does not necessarily equate to the stereotypical spoiled brat. Paul definitely doted on Emma and Addie yet they are two of the kindest and most considerate (maybe dramatic at times Emma) young ladies I have the pleasure of having in my life. To be fair of course, having a Staci around to wrangle all three of her children is more than a bit helpful in that regard.

No, what enjoying them means is to step back and use just a bit of that perspective everyone is currently talking about. Are those music lessons and soccer practices good for your kid? Probably. Is their 2nd grade reading level important? Maybe. Is it good to speak politely and kindly? I would argue so. Is it a parent’s job to instill values and guide your children to become a decent person? Definitely. Are any one of these items singularly important and critical to be accomplished RIGHT NOW!? My answer is a strong hell no. But whenever we make one of these things so darn important that we create stress or anger within our family, we are taking away precious time and energy which could have been spent just enjoying the short time we have with our children.

Paul’s delight did not end with his girls either. My daughters Kaia and Keelyn are so lucky to have had a second Dad in their life like Dross (they are lucky girls to have a few second Dads). For no reason other than his own happiness, he and his girls would come by our pier in their boat and whisk Kai and Kiki away for a few hours of swimming and skiing. Kai’s excitement after her first time skiing on a boom was trumped only by Paul’s excitement (“She did SO great! Just Amazing!”).

My highly thought-out personal nickname for Paul was simply ‘Drosser’. One of my favorite memories is his oft-told story of how Kaia one day simply came up and greeted him with “what’s up Drosser?” he repeated that simple anecdote more times than I can remember, and each time the smile on his face and elation at the familiarity with which my daughters treated him are things I will always treasure. As will standing next to him when he would put his arm around me while watching our kids play, and simply say “we are so blessed and lucky”. And mean it down to his very core.

The simple truth is that we can’t emulate his energy. I’ve tried and failed. A 25 year old father couldn’t have kept up with the man, that energy is uniquely his. But I do think that in his passing Paul may be able to positively affect even more people than he did in life (and that is a heck of a lot). What each of us can do, especially those of us still lucky enough to have young kids, is to try and take a page from the book of Dross and put into action the cliché to ‘enjoy the little things’. So the next time your bundle of annoying joy wants to play another game of Sorry or have an extra scoop (or 5) of ice cream, just pause that jabbering voice in the back of your head that says they need to go to bed or that you need to set good habits and ask yourself if this request is really going to turn them into a psychopathic little animal or derail their future college plans.

Instead, say Yes!, remember why you had kids in the first place and just enjoy them. Listen to their obnoxiously addictive laughter, smile and think of a man that made so many others smile. Because I truly do believe that each of us can make our lives and the world a better place if we can simple #belikepaul. I’ll do my part, I hope you join me.

I am truly thankful to have had Paul as a part of my life, and for my children to have experienced and benefited from his pure appreciation for the world. Despite the ache that is still in my heart I am eternally happy to have called you my friend.

Drosser, you spoiled me. I Love You brother.