Last week I was in the kitchen when one of the countless such kid arguments erupted in the other room: “I want it!”, “Nooo, it’s my turn!”, “You had it longer!”. This particular time the uber annoying topic was actually who got to use the vacuum to clean the house for mother’s day (awwww) but my brain doesn’t care about the reason. My eyes rolled upward, I sighed heavily and for the umpteenth time simply thought ‘What the F! I don’t want to deal with this crap.’

But as I came around the corner I found the two of them sitting next to the vacuum discussing how they would take turns and who would go next. I stepped back and they proceeded with their cleaning without any intervention from me. And I realized – I was completely unneeded to resolve their problem.

It made me wonder how many other times I’ve intervened when they could have figured something out on their own, and why was I intervening? Being honest with myself most of the time I’m simply inserting myself to get them to shut the hell up. My intervention, whether it’s an argument, ‘helping’ them put a puzzle together or getting them dressed really just ends up being a lost opportunity for them to figure something out on their own.

Last night I was moving a car in our driveway and asked our 4 year old to move her tricycle (she literally needed to move it over about 10 feet). I cannot even fathom the thought process which ended up with the trike jammed between her playhouse and the side of the garage. At this point she asked me for help but, remembering my own thoughts above, told her she needed to figure it out. The next 5 minutes were simply hilarious, the amount of work Kiki went through. But in the end she got it out and moved, and she then looked at me with a proud smile and yelled “I did it Daddy! I treblshotted my problem!”

Now I am hardly saying that we as parents serve no function in guiding our kids towards better choices, resolving problems or in simply getting things done. I am not advocating a Lord of the Flies approach to parenting. If for no other reason than to make them hurry up already and get something done, or because ‘I don’t want to hear it!’ I will continue to intervene in their little lives. And of course they are kids – part of how they learn is being taught and shown the way.

But I am saying that we should all get over ourselves already. Every single action they take does not need to be a ‘teachable moment’. You don’t need to judge and critique and fix every damn little thing they do. Because they will figure it out! And you may just find a bit of extra energy yourself, because that shit is tiring. Whether it’s a helicopter parent or tiger mom, that kind of parenting is exhausting. So give yourself a break and let them do what they will do.

I suggest for one day just let them be: if they ask for help try to say No to as many requests as possible. If they are doing something ‘wrong’ just ignore it. If they are having a sibling spat just plug up your ears. Try it and see how the day ends – 10 to 1 they will still go to bed and get up in the morning. Do this for enough days and you’ll start to see that they will not be heading down a dark hole to oblivion in the absence of your constant guidance.

To get a bit more detailed in this thought process I highly recommend the book ‘Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids. Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think‘ by economist Bryan Caplan. He provides a very convincing argument for improving your life and your child’s success basically by chilling the hell out. My wife and I read this book prior to having our first child and it’s basic tenets have proven themselves out.

So please stop thinking you are the only thing standing between your child and a failed life, or even between them and daily failure. Let them fail, let them figure it out while you have a drink and watch the fun.