I like swearing. Not in the ‘I’m fifteen and I just said shit while smoking a cigarette so now I’m cool’ kind of way, but knowing that they are words which provide a unique way to emphasize thoughts or simply get a point across where other ways of communication fail. Compare ‘I am very happy today’ to ‘I am so fucking happy today!’ You can just hear the exuberant shout in the second one. But then kids enter and another aspect of your life changes. But must it?

I was at the zoo with Kaia the other day and overheard a family in discussion as they walked with a couple of young kids around 2-3. A woman who I’m assuming is the childless aunt threw a random swear word into her sentence which was met by an immediate “LANGUAGE!”, to which I wondered ‘why?’ First, in this case the kid is about two years old, and way more concerned chasing that goose than he is with anything you say. Of course kids do soak in the weirdest things, but are you truly concerned that your little angel will randomly blurt out “let’s go for a mother-fucking bike ride bitches!”? And if he did would you not laugh?

A couple months ago I was taking the girls to school. Keelyn dropped something in the back seat and emitted a perfectly timed “aw damnit”. First I hid my laugh, and then I did my best to ensure she saw no reaction from me, then I was proud of her appropriate use. Lastly I watched to see the horrible transformation into a child rebel, but lo and behold nothing changed! She got not reaction from me, or her sister, got bored with the word and I haven’t heard it since.

So I’m pretty sure swearing is another area where doing so will not destroy their future if it happens. But does that mean we should allow George Carlin contests with our 10 year olds? My opinion falls on the No side. But again not because it is wrong or harmful, but mainly because they don’t truly know how to swear. Good swearing is a verbal art form (of course there are some serious gutter artists out there), you need to know the right words and use them with the right audience. And these are skills which take time to learn. So what to do?

I learned my approach from my appropriately nicknamed friend F-Bomb, who uses his profanities as if there is a limited supply left and they are given on a first come first use basis, including around his kids (two of which are now in their twenties). He has a simple rule which I also follow: I can swear anytime I want to, you cannot. I watched his younger son grow into an extremely polite and well spoken kid, who never swore and doesn’t really seem to want to. He was included in adult experiences, none of us treated him as a gentle soul we needed to check our behavior around and he is now an excellent example of a young man who knows how to interact with people of all ages.

So I use this rule. Keelyn at 4 is too young to understand it yet but Kaia and I have had this conversation since she was 5, and I add to the rule that it is perfectly OK for her to ask me or her Mom what words mean. Which has led to a couple of interesting conversations so far. Over time it is my hope that she will see that at home or around good friends I enhance my speech, but out in public or around other peoples children I keep the profanities in check. Right time, right place.

Yet another place to relax our lives and not live as if our kids are paper mache characters. And if you don’t like my words, well fuck you and the glittery unicorn you rode in on.