Two years ago in the fall when my girls were 2 and 4 we were outside raking leaves when they let me know they were hungry. Being a lazy parent I told them to go inside and get a snack, assuming they would grab some crackers or chips or other junk. Sometime later when they finally came back out they had a basket with bagged lunches in tow, having made themselves a full-on picnic which they ate on their chairs in the middle of my leaf pile. They made sandwiches (I believe they were peanut butter and mayonnaise which they claimed was amazing), string cheese and apples.

Have you ever seen the show Top Chef Junior? Kids as young as 8 compete against each other to cook and bake meals I could never even imagine. I am not comparing my kids to those little marvels, but Keelyn even at four is comfortable at making herself frozen waffles, sandwiches and other simple items. Starting around age 3 we began teaching the girls how to cook, letting them use the stove with us and making foods like pancakes or grilled cheese. A friend recently told me how their 4 year old took it upon himself to cook himself breakfast. By the time they found him he had his eggs just about fully cooked on the stove top.

When we are out and about I likewise refuse to treat my kids like they are injured little birds incapable of walking further than 100 yards on their own. Last month we were at our State Fair on an upper 80’s summer day, the three of us walked from one end to the other, ran from ride to ride and had a great time. If they got tired we rested, thirsty then I’d give them some money to buy a water. On our way out I saw a too common sight: two kids I’d say 8 (eight!) and 5 being towed around in a wagon, drinks in cupholders and Dad laden with backpack, cotton candy and other prizes they’d won. The kid almost literally could not fit in the wagon but is not capable of making it through the day?

I see this phenomenon all the time and it drives me crazy. Kids practically old enough to babysit towed around in strollers or wagons as if getting tired is a disease to be avoided. But on the positive side there are parents who realize being small and young does not mean you are an invalid. Shortly after shaking my head at the human pack-horse we got some ice cream which of course was an amusingly messy experience for 4 year old Keelyn.

As we walked by an animal barn there was a young lad of about 3 who had clearly been set outside with a hose to clean, by himself without a single adult to hold the hose for him. Keelyn went up and asked if he would clean off her hands, which he kindly did and then went back to his task.

Adults really seem to believe kids are too ignorant, untrustworthy (or some other concept I don’t get) to do basic things which our parents simply assumed we would do. And this clearly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you behave as if you expect that your kid can’t walk on their own for a few hours, then I guarantee that little whiner is going to complain and get in the damn wagon. If you believe they can’t pour their own milk or get their own water, then they will act like you’re telling them to dig a well for the water when you tell them to try on their own.

Kids can do so much more than we give them credit for. It is usually more messy and inefficient, but if we insist on doing things for them or ‘instructing’ their every step then they’ll just assume that is the norm and never learn on their own. We just need to be willing to get the H out of the way and let them do it (and maybe clean up some mayo later).