Kids confuse the shit out of me. I’m aware that they are little molds of clay figuring out life and to expect some kind of consistency or logic is like expecting a politician not to lie. Even so, we parents seem to love to categorize our kids: “he’s shy”, “he is a troublemaker”, “she is the smart one”. I’m certainly no exception, in a previous blog I labeled Kaia ‘a total pussy’. And while she can be so at times, I’m being a jackwagon to believe that this is what she is.

This past week Kaia had her tonsils removed. About as standard and low risk as surgeries go, but for a six year old it could be a scary or even traumatic experience. In the days and weeks leading up to the surgery she asked smart and relevant questions: “why am I having my tonsils removed?”, “will it hurt like strep throat did?”, “I really get to have ice cream all day? Really?” Danielle and I answer such questions honestly and in detail, letting her know she will be hurting, there might be bleeding, etc.

So from the moment she got to the hospital she was one prepared, cool cookie. While waiting she just relaxed in her bed, completely unconcerned. When they started rolling her out of the room she simply looked behind her, waved and yelled “see ya later, love you!” We were told that up to the point she went to sleep she was laughing and cracking jokes with the doctors and nurses, unruffled to be around a bunch of strangers in a weird environment. And when she woke up groggy from anesthesia (and we were in the waiting area yet) she had no fear whatsoever.

We were told by everyone who cared for her how impressed they were with her attitude and her calmness. Her doctor told my wife (after assuring her this isn’t one of those things he just says to every parent) that kids just aren’t like this. They are scared, they cry, they freak out. But not Kai: she was calm, collected and cucumber cool.

I will unashamedly give some of the credit for this behavior to Danielle and I. Our parenting style treats her like the smart little person she is, we don’t shelter her from truths or keep her from unsupervised experiences.  When she was 3 or 4 Danielle took her to a party being held at a bar; some people were part of their party and others were strangers. Danielle allowed little Kai to wander where she would, which her social little self did. She wandered to strangers to say hello and strike up conversations and at one point Danielle found her outside on the patio singing to no one and everyone.

But while we can take some credit for her social braveness, the most we can really do is cultivate the traits she already has. She may lock up and start hyperventilating when we push her to ride her bike without training wheels (she nailed it once she calmed down), but put her in a room full of strange adults and walk away and she’ll not only keep calm she’ll own that room in about 20 minutes.

So while I’ll likely still describe her as a pussy at times, I won’t again say she is one.  Because she is also one of the bravest little girls I know. Something I will continue to do is never label her or categorize her in her presence. I get eye squintingly pissed at other jackwagon parents who label their kids in front of them! It absolutely amazes me to see how many parents tell other adults (while their kid is right f’ing there) how they are such a troublemaker, how they don’t listen, how not smart they are and other negative comments.

I mean seriously, you announce to the world that your kid never listens to what you say, and then you are surprised later when your kid doesn’t listen. It is not PhD level psychiatry to figure out that if a kid already believes you think they suck, then they might as well go the easy route and ignore your negative-nelly ass. So maybe next time you think to say your innocent little side comment, maybe take a page from the kid’s playbook and ‘if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all’.

For me, I’ll try to keep my own negative-nelly trap shut when my little princess is screaming uncontrollably after she is knocked over on a trampoline, because tomorrow she’ll probably once again be freaking out a bunch of strange older kids with the creepy spiders she is holding before she heads to the bar to hang our with her Mom’s friends.